Friday, May 2, 2008

McJackass

When it comes to the frantically joyless state of the economy these days, I’m glad we can still count on advertisements in America to hold our heads up high above the stinkpile. Sure we’re headed into a recession the size of Steven Tyler’s lips with a 9 trillion dollar debt and our currency on par with Canada’s for the first time since 1976, but why worry? You can still buy something with the dollar, and you don’t even have to go to smelly old Europe to do it.



Problem solved, apparently. Dweeby pseudo-minority office guy also triumphs over pompous white douche office guy in a complicated, secret subplot as well. (We're not even going to mention "thats cold" guy.) Now let’s backtrack for a second. What possible explanation is there for Canadian currency to have been equal to ours in 1976? And more importantly, as a result, can we expect a second coming of other key features of 1976, such as, and in no particular order:

The release of another record as good as Steely Dan’s The Royal Scam? *Hint: totally impossible, though Kanye West did technically sample “Kid Charlemagne” last year, to huge (sad) success*

The election of a president with teeth as nice as Jimmy Carter's? *Much more possible, though his teeth are going to look pretty French if he keeps this behavior up*
The creation of another Canadian baseball team with jerseys as sweet as the old Blue Jays?

Well, if the Celtics do go on to win the championship, I might have to rethink this ’76 theory, and things might not be nearly as bad as I’d thought. But I wasn’t going to talk about sports on this site, and I’ve already blown that one. With Canadians running amok buying fridges to ship home to Prince Edward Island and The Euro rising fast at $1.54 we’d better be getting used to the idea of staying right here at home, eating double cheeseburgers until we’ve learned our sad, fat lesson. Fortunately, in between commercials, you can occasionally still see something like this:

1 comment:

Cameron J. said...

I'm not angry that you didnt even mention that "Hotel California" was released in 1976. Im just disappointed.