GRB-080319B

Though i'm less sure than Sonseed about what specific god to attribute my recent successes, i've scored a job as a bartender at a Mexican Bistro. Here, i'll pour expensive margaritas for tourists, chop mango for sangria, and get drunk and paid simultaneously, all the while navigating a back kitchen deeper than the bowels of hell and populated by an army of mexican chefs who will undoubtedly rail the Sonseed out of me in a language i'll never understand. Don't get me wrong. It's going to be magnificent.

Also, i've been trying to wrap my mind around this concept ever since i heard Fox News refer to it as the "Birth Scream of the Universe"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GRB_080319B

While a part of me wants to do the obvious and properly lambaste the daylights out of Fox News, let's talk about outer space. Perhaps astronauts have already accepted the fact that something could have happened 7 billion years ago that took that long to get here, just to make a pomegranate shaped foof in our sky for three seconds, but therein lies the missed opportunity. GRB-080319B!? Honestly? That's a longer name than Americans will read in the year 2008, and nothing we're going to remember well enough to tell our drunk friends at happy hour, let alone think about in our prayers not to be crushed by a meteor every night. NASA should know better.

If we as Americans were HALF as focused on our space program as we were 40 years ago, we'd at least have hired somebody whose job it was to come up with better names than that for the deaths and births of 7 billion year old galaxies that traveled 7 billion years just to foof in our sky. And this is exactly what's going to stop me from being a bartender, and i fail to understand why anybody else is struggling to get their day to day chores done after reading something like this. I know that one of these days, in the upcoming months, somebody is going to say something like "not enough salt on my glass" or "mas mantequilla, guero" and i'm going to think about GRB-080319B and just quit, and start smoking PCP and selling small american flags to senior citizens at bowling alleys.


What does that even mean? 7 billion years ago a galaxy 7 billion light years away blew up and it just got here now? And its right below an article about a guy who accidentally hit a bear riding his bicycle? Here is a clip from the next story down:

"Jim Litz said he was traveling about 25 mph monday morning when he came upon a rise and spotted a black bear about 10 feet in front of him. He didn't have time to stop and t-boned the bruin."

Jim Litz t-boning a bruin? Are you fucking kidding me? I've got half a mind to tattoo GRB-080319B on one cheek of my butt and "Jim Litz Sucks" on the other cheek, just to prove a fleeting point and make my future wife really upset. But maybe i'll meet a cool NASA wife that way. I'm feeling a little upset and confused about all this. I was just trying to get some information before i went to sleep, in case a giant fire rock crushed my planet in my sleep. I'd die smart. Smarter than Jim Litz. I hate that guy.